With my ten year high school reunion approaching, I felt a small amount of fear and trembling. High School in many ways had been a great experience for me, but it was a time when I definitely did not fit in with the "in" crowd. As long as I stayed within my social circle, life was good; but if I found myself in a crowd of the elite, I felt very rejected and out of place. I debated about reliving those years, but decided to attend the reunion with the same plan in mind - visit with the people that I cared for, those who accepted me for who I was.
I entered the room and began scanning the crowd, looking for those few friends that I wanted to spend time with. I looked...and searched...and frantically scanned the room. It became evident to me that I was not the only one that had second thoughts about coming. As the in-crowd drank to the successes of their post-high school careers, I slunk from corner to corner, desperately hoping that I would see a kindred soul that had just been a little late. After a few hours of meaningless conversations and blending in with the wallpaper, I decided to head for home.
The night seemed dark and dreary as I trudged to the car. Once again, I felt the pain of not belonging - feeling out of place. I slid behind the wheel, and rested my head on the steering wheel as the tears began to sting my eyes. Wanting to put the evening far behind me, I started the engine and began to move through the parking lot,
The stereo coming to life interrupted my silence, and the music played as I drove into the night. It was a tape of Amy Grant singing, "All I Ever Have To Be"...
When the weight of all my dreams is resting heavy on my head,
and the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said,
Well, I'm still hurting, wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am.
Then you daily re-remind me that you made me from the first,
and the more I try to be the best, the more I get the worse,
then I realize the good in me is only there because of who you are.
And all I ever have to be is what you've made me,
any more or less would be a step out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me, help me always keep in mind
that I only have to do what I can find,
and all I ever have to be is what you've made me.
Tears began to flow anew as I thanked God for using that song to remind me that it's not what others think that is important - it's what God thinks. He created me - he sent his son to die in my place. He promises me that one day He will take me home to be with Him. I thought back to those days ten years ago, of feeling like I didn't fit in. Now I realized that I fit in
perfectly in the one place where it counted - in God's eyes.
The following years were a roller coaster ride of kids, work, and the usual thirty-something lifestyle. Before I knew it, the invitation for the twenty year reunion arrived. I pondered going for at least part of it, but remembered the pain of my last trip down memory lane, and chose to stay home. As the date approached, I bumped into an old friend, and the topic of the reunion came up. Before I knew what I was saying, I made a pact - one of those 'I'll go if you go' kind of things. I kicked myself later, but decided to make the best of it.
The day finally arrived, and I drove up to the site expecting to meet up with my friend and bravely face the crowd. As with any ill-fated pact, they were nowhere to be found. Once again, I waded through the sea of A-list people, now sporting spouses and children. I endured the same superficial conversations, and carried out that same search for the friends of old. But this time, the attitude was different - it was a feeling of freedom, a knowledge that what these people remembered and thought about me meant nothing. I took a hold of the confidence that salvation through Jesus Christ can bring, a knowledge that I have been accepted by the King himself. I circled the crowd for about 30 minutes, then headed back for real life.
As I got back into my car, I thought back to that night ten years earlier, when a song reminded me of what and who was important. Turning the key in the ignition, I thought to myself - what are the odds? Sure enough, as the stereo came to life, the local christian radio station was playing a song by Amy Grant - only this time, the song was different...
I'm never going to walk away, though the walls come down some day,
All alone and you feel afraid, I'll be there when you call my name.
You can always depend on me, I will be, until forever,
I will be your friend.
Once again, God had used a song to remind me of his care for me, and that he would always be there for me. I rolled down the windows, turned the stereo up to ear-splitting levels, and got onto the freeway singing as loud as I could.
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