Some time ago, I wrote a
blog entry (“Documenting the Journey”) about my leaving Fred Meyer and the
eight months I spent looking for work. My intent was to take time and write
about what I learned in going through that time. I’ve always been a big believer
in learning from mistakes; they can be one of the best (but hardest) ways to
gain wisdom. Unfortunately, after starting the process of journaling that time,
I took a break from writing – about 15 months worth of break. However, this
morning I had a dream that I was meeting with someone from Fred Meyer, and was
being asked again about what led to my mistakes and subsequent firing. That
dream resonated with me throughout the day, and when Ginger suggested turning
off the TV and having a quiet evening to read, I knew what I needed to do…it’s
time to finish what I started. What did I learn in that time?
- If you know you’re in the wrong job, don’t wait
until you fall apart to leave. I began my career with Fred Meyer in 1981,
and went into management as a Fourth-In-Charge in 1989. I worked very
hard, and moved my way up to manager in 1997. The first three or four
years seemed good, but the job became harder and harder. I began to really
struggle to do well, and it soon became very clear that I did not have
what it took to continue my journey up the ladder. I soon began feeling
that I would have a difficult time even maintaining my position. As time
went on, that feeling grew and grew. There’s an age-old saying that says
the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting to get different results. I knew what my issues were. I tried
and tried to overcome these issues, and failed each time. My wife kept
saying, “Dave, you need to get out of there”, but I stubbornly continued
on, telling myself that I could fix it. I joked that they would have to
fire me to get me to leave. How right I was…in hindsight, I should have
listened to the wise counsel of my wife, and started working on another
creating another career path before the current one ate me alive.
- When making a great salary causes you feel like
you have to violate your moral standards to survive and keep that salary,
it’s time to get out. That sounds pretty basic doesn’t it? If my boss
handed me a gun and told me I had to shoot anyone who was not performing
well, I would have no problem walking away. But what if the decisions you
make are not so blatantly wrong? What if it is just a little something
that no one will notice? When you feel that your number one priority is
the job because it provides for your family, and you are able to overlook
the small things in order to maintain that income, you’ve crossed a line
when money is more important than integrity – it’s time to start looking
elsewhere, even if the money is not as good.
- Never underestimate your wife. In the Bible,
Proverbs 18:22 says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and finds
favor with God”. There have been many times where I have felt close to my
wife, and times that strengthened the bond between us, but nothing brought
us together like those eight months. She held me as I mourned, encouraged
me when I was down, and truly embraced me – physically, mentally, and in
any other way you can be embraced. Her joy at my being free from the bonds
of my former job was not what I was expecting, or what I felt I deserved
from her. Her faith in God told her that we would be OK, and she believed
it. Not in a timid ‘OK, I’ll trust you, God’ way, but a true heartfelt
belief. I would not have made it through that time without her, and in her
actions I saw was love and grace look like in human terms.
- Don’t ever allow your job to outweigh time with
your family. I spent so much time focused on my job, which left little to
no energy for engaging myself in my family. Eventually, they see your
actions as your ‘normal’, and look elsewhere for the guidance that you
should be providing. Once I was able to distance myself from the fog I was
working in, I could see clearly what I was missing, but it’s difficult to
overturn years of tuning out. There are arguments that debate “quality vs.
quantity” in your time with your family. What I learned is, when you’re
home, be at home. When you’re at work, be at work. When you confuse the
two, you’re not doing real well at either place.
- There is dignity in admitting when you screw up,
and in how you face your mistakes. When I was fired, there was a huge
amount of self-inflicted guilt and shame that enveloped me like a dive
into a deep pool. As an introvert, my first instinct was to crawl into bed
and stay there. However, for some reason I felt the need to talk – to
share what had happened, to be honest about what had happened, and to live
with the consequences, whatever they might be. I sent out a large group
email to friends and family, explaining what had happened, and asking for
their prayers. The responses I received were overwhelming – so much
affirmation at a time when I felt so empty. When people asked, we were
candid with them – no hiding the facts, no cover-up. It really cut off any
chance for gossip, and let people know that they could talk to my about it
openly. I also felt very positive about my last interactions with my
supervisors – in my last meeting with my direct boss, we spent a half hour
talking through issues in my department, things that he could pass on to a
new supervisor. We celebrated the results of an audit that had occurred
just a couple of hours before I was fired – an audit that had been a
struggle for some time, but in that particular time was a huge success. I
felt like I was able to leave well, on positive terms. Taking
responsibility for my actions and being honest left me feeling like I
still represented myself well, even when my prior actions had created the
separation.
- Having good friends means the world. Albert
Schweitzer once said, “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire
goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human
being. We should be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner
spirit.” As soon as I told Ginger what had happened, we called one of the
elders in our church; he and his wife are also good friends. They had
house guests at the time, but left them to come meet with us for a few
minutes, and then invited us to dinner the next night to talk more deeply.
They were an amazing encouragement, not just because of their love and
understanding, but because the advice they offered was not just good
advice, but spectacular! They helped us set forth a game plan for the
coming weeks that proved to be ideal, and walked through those steps with
us.
- You cannot spend 24/7 looking for a job. A book
that really helped us through this time talked about seasons in our life.
While we may be in a time that feels like winter, we need to remember that
there are things you can do in winter that you can’t do other times of the
year. When else can you play in the snow? When you’re tied to a 40-50-60
hour a week job, there’s not a lot of time for anything else. When you’re
not working, you do spend a great deal of time job hunting. But at what
other times in your life will you have that kind of freedom? I made sure I
spent quality time each day filling out applications, calling on leads,
and going on interviews. I also spent time investing in friendships.
Playing more music. Watching more movies (because I wasn’t too tired to
stay up!). Yes, with great freedom comes great responsibility, but take
advantage of that freedom.
- Take some time to volunteer! With that freedom
of time came the freedom to invest
in other issues besides myself. Just before I was fired, Ginger
started volunteering for My Father’s House, a shelter for homeless
families near our house. After allowing me a few weeks to grieve and get
into a rhythm of job searching, Ginger urged me to spend some time each
week there. I ended up volunteering in their computer lab, spending 2-3
days a week there for five months. My task? Helping people write resumes
and apply for jobs. It allowed me to take something I was very familiar
with, and pass that knowledge onto others. At a time in my life when I felt
worthless at times, I was able to do something useful, giving me a sense
of purpose.
- Don’t take grace for granted. I’ve written
before about love songs – how they all seem silly until you’re finally in
love, at which point they become the most poignant songs ever penned. I
feel like I always understood God’s grace, but felt that I was generally a
good guy anyway, so that grace just seemed like a forgone conclusion.
After failing at integrity and coming home in tears, it was like listening
to that love song after falling for Ginger, only this time it was God
telling me in song, “that grace thing? It’s real”. I remember once Sunday
leading music at church. We began to sing the song “The Stand”…
You stood
before creation, eternity in Your hand.
You spoke the earth into motion, my soul now to stand.
You stood before my failure, carried the cross for my shame
my sin weighed upon Your shoulders, my soul now to stand
As we continued, my voice began to crack and I
struggled to sing.
So what can I say? What can I do?
But offer this heart O God completely to You
Cue the tears….
So I'll walk upon salvation, your Spirit alive in me,
This life to declare Your promise, my soul now to stand
So what can I say? What can I do?
But offer this heart O God completely to You
By this time, I’m a complete mess – tears are
rolling down my face as I realize just what that grace means, and how much God
loves me in spite of me. At this point in the song, the song picks up in intensity,
and the entire congregation is standing with their arms in the air, singing
with me…
So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned -
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
So here I am, two and a half years later. What did I
learn? A lot. Most importantly, God loves me. He always has. He always will.
Even when I don’t act like it. If I didn’t learn anything else, that would be
enough. God really is good – ALL THE
TIME!
