Hello, my name is Dave. I’m an Introvert. (All together now: “Hi, Dave!”). That may surprise some people. Others may say, “well, duh…”. I’ve always known that I struggle in certain social situations. At the same time, I can sound fairly confident when speaking in public, and have no problem in expressing myself in other ways, like writing or music. It’s always been difficult to explain to people how it feels. Donald Miller (author of “Blue Like Jazz”) had a great post on his blog this morning, in which he gives advice for those dealing with introverts. As I read each one, I found myself saying YES! to each one, and knew I had to cut and paste his thoughts into my world…here’s what he had to say:
When interacting with an introvert:
· Choose one-on one over large groups. While I love speaking in front of thousands, mingling isn’t my thing. If I’m at a party, I’ll typically speak with one or two people for a longer period of time. If you’re interacting with an introvert, just know they don’t want to “work the room.”
· Let them recharge. Introverts don’t want to do several social events in one day. They can survive, and even thrive, on just one or two per week. If you’re dealing with an introvert and you’re lining up meeting after meeting or coffee followed by lunch followed by a “get together” then happy hour and dinner and then drinks after with yet another group, it’s going to be torture. Introverts are like that cell phone you’ve got that needs to be recharged several times per day. In their minds, they’re running a lot of applications.
· Go deep or go home. Mostly, introverts live in their minds and they think about why things happen or they daydream or whatever. Shallow conversations about the weather, at least for me, are painful. I just don’t want to have them. It’s not that I want to talk about politics or theology, I don’t, but I don’t want to have conversations that aren’t going somewhere. I want to talk about your passions, your fears, your musings about why you think life is the way it is. The cool thing is, once I know we can go there, I can talk to that person about anything shallow, including the weather. I just have to know we can go to the deep end when we feel like it.
· Give them some space. My old roommate, Mike, once said to me, “Don, you know I’ve figured you out a little bit. You need about ten minutes of space when you come home before you engage in a conversation.” His observation was profound. I hadn’t realized it myself, but he was dead on. Introverts don’t want to be mobbed when they get to their place of security, or for that matter, anywhere else. They want to transition and get comfortable and then engage. When an introvert comes home and is charged with some social responsibility immediately, it’s tough. Give him or her ten minutes to transition and it’ll pay you back a thousand fold.
· Work with them to compromise. Forcing an introvert to go out all the time will backfire. They don’t want to be around people that much. But if you’re in a relationship with an introvert, you obviously can’t capitulate to every need. So strike some compromises. Usually, if you give an introvert some down time, they’re good for a few social events each week.
