Do Something

The word resolve, when used as a noun, means “a firm determination to do something”. Maybe that’s my problem when it comes to the topic of New Year’s Resolutions. I can come up with a huge list of things in my life that I should work on, areas that I could or should improve, areas where, as the definition clearly states, I should “do something”. What is lacking is the rest of that same definition – “a firm determination”. In many ways, the goal of my life is to do nothing. So, my goal for 2018? Do something.

For the last three years, we (my wife, my sisters and I) have been so wrapped up in the care for my mom and dad, beginning with Dad’s first emergency trip to the hospital in late August 2014, and culminating in both parents passing in August and September of this year. There was a desire to finish well with my parents, to know that we had done our best to care for them and make their last days with us as simple as possible.   It gave me an excuse to take those few free moments and just shut down, and in some ways, this was understandable – no one blamed me for wanted to take a moment and rest. I could turn down invitations to hang out, or change plans to go to an event, and everyone understood.

Most days, when I arrive at home after a day’s work, I would love nothing more than to change into shorts and a t-shirt, grab some dinner as I vegetate on the couch, then head off to bed. Yesterday, I told my daughter that you know you’re tired when you don’t even care about dinner – you just want to crawl straight into bed. As an introvert, after a long day of interaction with my wonderful co-workers, my social bank account is pretty well spent, and I am ready for quiet, solitude and space. And yet, I am married to an amazing woman who spends four days a week teaching kindergarten. She’s had an even more intensive social exposure than I have, and yet it’s all been with four to six-year-old children, focusing on teaching them the basics of reading and math, appropriate bathroom habits, and developing the self-control to not slap your neighbor on a daily basis. She comes home tired as well, but aching for adult conversations that revolve around anything else. One of the best quotes I heard in 2017 was from a guest on the daily Focus on the Family radio program. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the gentlemen’s name, but one thing he said has stuck with me. He spoke of a time when he had some very important tasks to complete late in the evening. As he worked to complete them, his wife sat next to him and started to talk about various things. These were unrelated to what he was feverishly trying to finish, and not really a topic that he cared much about. And yet, as he put it, “What she had to say was not important to me, but it was important to her, and she is important to me.” No matter how I feel, my wife is important to me, and listening to her talk about what’s important to her should be a priority to me. So, my goal for 2018? Do something. Listen to her. Understand what’s important to her. Love the fact that she is passionate about the small ones that she has such an impact on. Love her because she chooses to love me. Just love her.

Even though mom and dad been gone for a few months, I still feel and fight that urge to take it easy now. Yes, I know that grief is a process without schedule, a journey without a map, just a path to be taken with virtually no incorrect trail, and that rest is part of that process. And yet, there’s a desire to see this chapter finished, a page turned. Not to forget what is past, but to see where the next chapter leads.  In short, do something.

So where does that leave the introvert in me, who by this time is working from a bone-dry emotional gas tank? I need to invest time in doing things that refill and refuel that tank. For me, that’s music. Listening to music in the car. Listening to live music. Playing music. Writing music. Worshipping with music. Victor Hugo once said, “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” I am blessed to be a part of a church where music plays a large part, and where the church has been blessed with an overabundance of talented musicians. While the focus there is on teaching and following God, music plays a huge role in expressing our love for Him. Embracing the opportunity to sing, play, write and serve in this forum gives voice to the emotions that other forms of communication just can’t quite fulfill. In the same way, Northwest Oregon is also extremely blessed when it comes to music. We’re blessed with world-class talent in so many different genres. Come summertime, there’s free music every night of the week somewhere in the Portland area. So, my goal for 2018? Do something. I already participate at church through leading and playing with the music team, but that’s a small part of each month. I can be writing more. Listening more. Singing more. Just inviting music to spend more time in my life.

And yet, as much as music is something that recharges, there are also things in my life that are a drain. You can pour all of the gas you want into the tank, but if there’s a hole in the tank, it never seems to be enough. Social Media is a huge part of that. There is some benefit to staying connected to people through Twitter and Facebook. It’s an introvert’s widest dream – having a wide array of friends, seeing what’s going on in their lives, and sharing what’s going on in mine, all without having to actually have face to face communications. However, there’s an increasing amount of wading through the muck to get to these encouraging posts. You can unfollow those negative influences, but the flow of muck seems to remain regardless. Trudging through this mess, or doing the maintenance to try and keep the mess out, tends to suck the life out of the activity.  So, my goal for 2018? Do something. As author Regina Brett once said, “Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn’t looking down at a device in their hands? We’ve become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us.” Drop out of the virtual community and exchange it for real community. Make an effort to get past the trite and go deeper.

There are things I have already done in my life that have been a blessing that I want to continue with. Back in September, I began a Read-Through-The-Bible in a year using an app from the Bible Project . Yes, I see the irony in recommending a phone app just after describing the evils of the small screen. I’ve always struggled in reading the Bible from end to end. I usually get bogged down in Leviticus or Deuteronomy, then go back to single books or passages. For some reason, this plan has worked so far for me. Each book starts with a short video outlining the contents, and its place in the Bible as a whole. Sometimes, there’s a video in the middle of a book, just to remind you of the theme, or to show you how the next few chapters relate to future events. Each day gives three to four chapters with the books in chronological order, and a Psalm for each day as well. Currently, I’m working through Isaiah, and after what seems like weeks of Judges and 1 and 2 Kings, reading about the nations continuing to turn their back on God, to read Isaiah this week and to read the promise of the coming Messiah was like a drink of cool water.

I also have prayed more in the last months than I ever have before. I’ve written before about things in your life that don’t really hit you until you have a life experience to hang it on – like love songs that seem horrible until you fall in love, and then they become a masterpiece. I have always prayed and felt the impact of prayer, but something about my parent’s last days have really heightened that desire in me to spend more time before the Lord. I also know how much it meant to me to know that others were praying for me, and have really made the effort to bring others needs and pain to Him.

So what are my goals for 2018? To truly focus on my wife and the people in my life, not the ones in my phone. To fill my life with the things that bring energy and happiness, and to continue to focus on the habits that forge a stronger relationship with the Lord. In short, to do something.

***(Small disclaimer here – this comes just weeks after Willie Taggart left the University of Oregon after less than one year to be the head football coach at Florida State. His theme while with the Ducks? Do Something. This had no bearing on my use of the phrase, but is solely based on the definition above, courtesy of Google.)