I Cannot Do This Alone

My small group at church is using the Mosaic Bible as a study guide each week. Along with the New Living Translation of the Bible, the Mosaic Bible contains weekly bible readings, devotionals and artwork from a variety of sources and eras, all based around the church calendar. This week’s readings are a part of the Lent season, and focused on our dependence on God. One of the readings was written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and could be best categorized as a perfect snapshot of where I am right now. I read it once, then twice, and again and again. I know that the trials in my life are nothing compared to what he went through, but I can definitely feel the cares of the day getting in the way of my relationship with God. I need to remember that as he said, I cannot do it alone.


I Cannot Do This Alone

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you:
I cannot do this alone.

In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,
But you know the way for me…

Restore me to liberty,
And enable me to live now
That I may answer before you and before me.
Lord, whatever this day may bring,
Your name be praised.

A Life That Is Not My Own

It’s been said that you can’t really understand a love song until you fall in love. Then, as if a filter has been lifted, you suddenly feel all of the emotions in each song, and find yourself singing along. I think that’s true with any song that characterizes a particular period in your life. You don’t have a real understanding until you’ve been through it.

We’ve entered a new phase in the Clausen household, as our oldest son has moved out on his own. Fortunately, we are on good terms, and we continue to see him occasionally. However, part of that new phase is the start of the empty nest syndrome. It’s odd to have someone who has been part of your household for 20 years suddenly no longer a part of that daily life. It is not easy to explain. However, like love, sometimes a song suns it up best. Bob Bennett has always been a favorite artist of mine; an amazing guitarist and skillful songwriter. I’ve always liked this song, but now that I am feeling the emotions he was feeling when he wrote it, it takes on an even greater meaning.

A LIFE THAT IS NOT MY OWN
Bob Bennett
© 2001 Bright Avenue Songs (ASCAP)

This is my Father's world
I trust these days are in His plan
I am my Father's child
He holds my life in loving hand
I cry out loud, He shares my tears
I'm so afraid, He calms my fears
O Lord, I offer up these many years
Of a life that is not my own

This child is a gift to me
Though he must grow away, apart
I never knew that God and I
Could share a tender father's heart
And when the distance is too hard to bear
When it's so painful to love and to care
May I be grateful for the time that I could share
In a life that is not my own
A life that is not my own

We will sleep under the same moon tonight
We will walk under the same sun tomorrow
Someday to gather in our one true home
Where no goodbyes can cause this kind of sorrow

This is my Father's world
With all the questions it can bring
I am my Father's child
Though I am broken, I can sing
Of all the things that He has done
A Father offering up His Son
And a life like mine that has become
A life that is not my own

It's only stuff...

My wife and I went out on a date today. When we left, we still weren't quite sure where we were headed, so we pulled into the parking lot at the local high school, which is just a block down the the street from our house. As we sat and talked, I noticed that the house next to the parking lot was having a garage sale. I didn't think much of it...it was a fairly warm sunny day, a great day to clean out unwanted items. I watched as two men rolled out a large red stacking tool box and loaded it into their truck. Wow, you don't see those at garage sales too often, I thought. Then it dawned on me which house was having the sale. This house had been rocked by tragedy just a few months before. In what was termed a murder/suicide attempt, A husband shot his wife before turning the gun on himself. Fortunately, the wife survived the attempt, and was able to call for help. I didn't know the couple, although they lived just a few houses away. Close neighbors had good things to say about the man - a good neighbor, helpful, no sign of troubles. And yet here I sat, watching as what was left of his worldly possessions was carted away by bargain hunting shoppers. It was kind of a unreal moment - lots of things running through my mind. What wil be left when my life ends? I can't say that there's a lot of loot to pass on. And yet, my stuff is not who I am. It's just stuff. If anything, as we drove away, I felt the renewed idea that I should be focused on laying up treasures in heaven, and that the only thing I can leave here is memories.

Analogies

In life, sometimes we use analogies to paint a better picture of what we are describing. Sometimes though, an analogy can lose a little in the translation.

I heard one example of this from our church’s youth pastor, Daniel Meadows. He mentioned that one of his favorite songs was Todd Agnew’s ”Grace Like Rain”. He said that in Portland, we never could really appreciate the song because our usual Portland rain varies from an irritating mist to a light drizzle that goes on for hours and hours. You could get from your house to your car and stay fairly dry, since the rain was so light. However, the previous day, we had a rainstorm that was unique for our area. It was as if the skies had opened up and let loose everything they held. No wind, no lightning – just a solid, steady, heavy downpour that sent rivers of water racing down the street. There was no way you could set foot outside of the house without feeling the water drench you. Daniel said that this storm was a little more like the ones he had grown up in the Midwest. With that experience, the phrase “Grace Like Rain” took on a different meaning; it describes the grace of God as something you cannot avoid, something that covers you fully. His description brought that analogy to life for me in a whole new way.

I had a new realization of an analogy used by God himself while vacationing this week in Central Oregon. We were camping at Prineville Reservoir for a couple of days. As we arrived in Prineville, we noticed that the moon was going to be setting not long after the sun, leaving the skies dark. Living in a major metropolitan city of over a million people, the light from the city hides the view of all but the brightest stars. We looked forward to being able to see a much bigger picture of God’s creation once the sun went down.

Later that night, we were rewarded with one of the most amazing night skies I had ever seen. I tried to come up with a guess of how many stars I could see plainly enough to count, but it was simply too much for the mind to conjure up. Add to that the mist of white scattered across the sky – the stars that are too small to count, but together make up the Milky Way. My family and I stood outside, just staring up at the sky in amazement.

It was then that I recalled Genesis 22:17-18, where God promises Abraham, “I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me." Now, if Abraham were living in Portland, that might not have made such a huge impression on him. When the clouds aren’t covering the sky, we might be lucky to see a dozen or two stars. Back in his day, there was no light pollution to filter God’s promise through. When God spoke, Abraham could look up and see that same sky filled with millions of stars. If I were him, the thought of being the patriarch for millions might be a tad bit intimidating. Seeing the night sky through his eyes reminded me of God’s love and faithfulness, and that God’s promises are true, even when we can’t see the whole picture.

Thanksgiving in June

When you work in retail, you find that it doesn't take a holiday to come up with a reason for a big sale. It seems that every week, there's a new advertising push that urges you to celebrate an event, and that your celebration would not be complete without doing some shopping. One of the odder events I've seen is "Christmas in July". I guess there are people out there that really do plan that far in advance and start their shopping/crafting/planning that early, but I have a hard time thinking about Christmas when the sun is shining, the air conditioner is running, and cooking dinner consists of firing up the BBQ.



Lately my thoughts have turned to a different holiday - Thanksgiving. We always say that we should be thankful every day, but I rarely think about it unless the smell of turkey is in the air. However, the events of the last few weeks have put me in a very thankful mood. If the stores can celebrate Christmas in July, then I can celebrate Thanksgiving in June.

• My wife and I have three sets of friends who are going through very difficult problems in their marriage, with one definitely headed for divorce.


• We have quite a few friends who have lost their jobs or had them cut back drastically.


• Another family we know is reeling from the suicide of a brother and uncle to the kids.


• A friend of my wife has been caring for her terminally ill husband for a number of months, and has now just found out that she has been diagnosed with leukemia.


• Today, I watched as two co-workers performed CPR on a fellow employee, not knowing whether he would survive.

In each of these cases, it's easy to pull out the well-worn phrase "there but for the grace of God go I". And trust me - I know that my life can change in a heartbeat. I know that life can be a like a canoe trip; right now, we're in a calmly flowing river admiring the scenery, but at any moment the class four rapids may come. However, at this juncture of my life, I just can't shake the feeling of thankfulness.

• My wife is an amazing woman who I love very much, and even more amazing - she loves me too! While our marriage is not perfect, we can paddle through the rapids together as a team, and come out on the other side with the love still intact. That is a true blessing from God.


• My work has continued to do well - even in a tough economy, people have to eat.


• My family is all in reasonably good health.


• I am alive today, and can enjoy the beautiful weather, conversation with my wife, and playing with the kids.

Again, I know that I have done nothing to deserve my good fortune, just as those who are dealing with difficult circumstances have not always been the cause of their struggles. I do know that whatever blessings I am enjoying today, it is because of God's grace and provision, and for that, I am very thankful.



Now I just need to see if we have any leftover turkey in the freezer.

Happy Father's Day

Another Father's Day has come and gone. Like any other Sunday where Fred Meyer doesn't claim me, I spend the morning at church. Most of these Sundays find me joining with the music team on stage, playing trumpet or percussion as a part of leading the congregation in worship through music. As I always say, it's a great priviledge to take a gift that God has given that I love to do and turn it back to him! This Sunday, my son Joe joined us on stage with his guitar. I think it's only the second time we've been on the team together, and the first time in a long time. He has been playing for a few years, and was able to join in with no problem.

When I'm playing, I'm usually focused on the music - watching the leader, glancing at the music, and trying to sing along and keep the percussion going at the same time. As we played and worshipped that morning, I found myself stealing an occasional glance over at Joe. He was doing the same as I was, focused on doing his best for the Lord.

Later on during the sermon, the topic of fathers and Father's Day came up, and my mind drifted back to the music. I thought of how proud I was of Joe; for the skills he was using in praising God, and the joy of playing together as a team. At that point, it struck me: Are there times when God looks over at me, and is proud of his child? Times when he looks down and says, "That's my boy!"?

On a day when we honor fathers, I left church with an even stronger desire to please my heavenly Father. I know that when it comes to being a good kid, I fail in many ways, and that it's only through the sacrifice of his Son that we have a relationship with him. I think the best fathers' day present I can give Him is to give him the opportunity to glance my way and say, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant!". Or, to put it in simpler terms, "That's my boy!"

"I'm not half the man I used to be..."

It's been a while since I've posted anything...I guess I'll just add the usual excuse of no time! It's not a very exciting excuse, but pretty true for the most part. My computer is dead in the water right now, so I'm using my son's laptop - Thanks Joe!

The title for this entry kind of sums up my life right now. My wonderful wife is currently in Peru, visiting a missionary friend of ours. From her e-mails, I can tell she is enjoying her time there, but is getting more tired and ready to come home. She's been gone for 8 days now, with one more week to go. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Fortunately, I haven't had to many opportunities to test that hypothesis! This time apart truly does remind me how much a part of me she is. Without a doubt, she is by best friend, my soul mate, my true north, my better half - and yes, she really does complete me. She reminds me that when God created Adam, it was the first time he created something where the Bible doesn't follow by saying "and it was good". Instead, it says that God decided that it was NOT good for man to be alone, so he created a woman.

Before Ginger left, we were watching a movie that contained many famous quotes. From there, we started talking about famous quotes about love. Here's some of my favorites...these aren't all from movies - some are songs, others quotes from other famous people..

"If love for you were a country, I'd be China" - paraphrased from City Slickers

"I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door" - The Proclaimers (and Steven Curtis Chapman)

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because your reality is better than your dreams" - Dr. Seuss

"Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs...what's wrong with that?" - Paul McCartney

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" - Theodore Hesbergh

"Happy Wife...Happy Life" - Jeff Allen (OK, it's not so much about love, but if you're married, it can be valuable advice!

"We will sleep under the same moon tonight...we will walk under the same sun tomorrow" - Bob Bennett

OK - it's late..time to head for bed....goodnight, honey!

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